All of us are confronted with moments when we need to convince someone else that our point of view is valid. They do not necessarily have to see the entire picture as we do, but they need enough information about our position on this to join us in some endeavor. This can happen in relationships at the office or outside the office.

Certain strategies work better than others. If you have often used yelling or pouting or stomping your foot to get your way, this may not work. Especially if the difference in opinion is with your boss. These 2 year old behaviors can get you “downsized”.

Here are tried and tested behaviors that can influence:

Step 1: Listen carefully to the other’s position. As you listen, notice places in the other’s discourse where you do agree. (You can use these later.)
Step 2: Match the breathing rate of the other person. You are literally and figuratively getting on their wave length. Tip: The rhythm and pacing of their words will indicate their breathing rate as well as the edge of their shoulder outlined against a contrasting back ground.
Step 3: Pay attention to the verbs used by the other that reflect their favorite perceptual system. Example “I see what you mean” or ” That doesn’t sound feasible.” or “I feel this is the best answer.” Repeat these sensory ( connected to the see, hear, and feel senses) words in stating your position. This is quick way to achieve rapport.
Step 4: Come up with a big goal that you both can agree on. For example, “We both want our division to win this contest.” Or, ” I know we both want to keep the good parts of this relationship.”
Step 5: Do not make the other person wrong. Once you have suceeded in this, rapport goes, and without rapport, there will be no mutual agreement.
Step 6: Recall a past situation where the two of you worked together with success, if you have one of these memories. Mention this easily and concisely. Don’t dwell on it. Just bring it up quickly. The rapport from the past may influence the rapport of the moment.
Step 7: If you are stuck in conflict, go for a walk, for coffee, or do something to change both of your body postures.
Step 8: If, after 10 minutes you have not determined a joint outcome, ask the other to tell you more about what they want in this particular situation. Listen carefully, and begin again.
Step 9: If you can find a solution that gains the outcomes of both parties, then you are a master negotiator and can enjoy the art of influencing.
Step 10: If you are still having trouble finding a creative solution, focus on the present moment for 90 seconds ( Right Brain access and computing) and notice what creative ideas surface for you. Cover this creative thinking time-out by saying something like, “You have some very interesting points I had not considered, now let me think about this for a moment.”