Home > News and Views (Volume 2, Number 2 )

Volume 2, Number 2                                           The VAK, est. 1982                                                              2005

52nd Advanced Training Held at Pajaro Dunes
Participants from ExxonMobil, Nuvation Engineering, CFG Insurance,
FountainBlue Consulting and several independent consultants joined
Genie Z. Laborde, Ph.D., Bruce Dillman, MS, and Lynn Douglas, MBA,
for an Advanced Training next to the Pacific Ocean June 10-15.  Tony
Sisneros performed his usual wizardry in the kitchen and at the flower-
bedecked tables.
Two repeat participants
in Advanced Training
Deirdre O’Hearn
Deirdre O’Hearn
Jon Hill
Jon Hill
"I learn something new each time."

Relevance to 20 year-olds?

    Since we’ve been training one version or another of Influencing with Integrity for 24 years, I often wonder if the material and exercises are still relevant to the twenty-somethings who are now entering the business world.
     Here are quotes from four twenty-somethings who attended the June 6-8 training in Palo Alto.

  "The understanding that everyone has such a different map with a different preferred mode of communication was helpful in broadening my orientation and in refining my communication with volunteer leaders."

  "Influencing with Integrity is about significantly more than hearing about communication.  For those who take the opportunity, getting the chance to interact with business professionals in a different environment offers the chance to learn about better business and personal communication practices."

    "Influencing with Integrity was a great refresher for non-verbal communication skills, for both being aware of my own and reading other people’s body language.  The information about Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic modalities is applicable to my meetings with agency representatives, orientation sessions and trainings, as well as my regular contact with coworkers and volunteers.  I can use this assessment of others’ communication styles to be sure we completely understand one another.  I also really enjoyed the section based in linguistics."

    "I found the session on Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic communication styles helpful because I was able to learn what my style was as well as become familiar with ways to identify other peoples’ styles.  I will be able to use this knowledge to effectively communicate and build understanding throughout my professional life."

Coming Soon–Maybe– would you tune in?

The Genie and Friends TV Broadcast each day from 11am – 12pm PDT.

A combination of insights, interviews, strategies and case histories from Genie’s 24 years of training may be augmented by various fascinating guests.  This combination of "Dr. Phil," "Oprah," and "The Amateur Hour" may be broadcast live from IDEA’s garden each week-day and available free on influencingwithintegrity.com if you have broadband. 

Mondays: Negotiation Skills
Tuesdays: Sales Skills
Wednesdays: Conflict Resolution Skills
Thursdays: Changing Old Behaviors
Fridays: Relationship Skills

What do you think of the ideas and the subjects?

Ask Genie

Dear Genie,

I am a new ENFP manager working in an environment full of ISTJ engineers. Although I have tremendous respect for their intelligence and their productivity, I, on occasion get very annoyed with their perspectives. I tell them how I am feeling, and they respond with logical reasons why I shouldn’t be feeling the way I feel. Is there something wrong with my reality? How can I bring our realities together?

Frustrated in Silicon Valley

Hello FISV,

Step one is to listen carefully to all their logic without replying.  Let them talk and you listen and watch their non-verbals.  When S/he pauses, say "Tell me more."  They will.  If you get bored, ask yourself, "What life experiences could have led him/her to think like that?"  Continue to entertain yourself with various scenarios that would explain their conclusions.  Remember, these positions, though different from yours, are "real" to them.  Now, when they run down, ask a few questions to be sure you understand the parameters of their position.  When you have gathered sufficient information, you can begin to seek ways for all of you to gain your goals. 

Do not try to change their reality.  Use what you have learned about their reality to stroke your creativity in how to reach mutually satisfying agreements.  Enjoy the challenge

Global Survey Says Number and Intensity
of Wars and Armed Conflicts Have Declined 50% in Last 15 Years.

    The University of Maryland has published a survey with this report on organized violence around the world.  War between countries is much less likely than ever and civil war is less likely than any time since 1960, according to Monty Marshall, a co-author of the "Peace and Conflict" report.

     Communication can reduce conflict.

Pajoro Dunes Beach

Beach before tsunami alert

Beach after tsunami alert

Would you like to be a "reader?"

  • Using Levels of Energy for Decisions
  • Spellbinding
  • Influencing with Integrity in the Financial Marketplace

Would you like to be a "reader" for the

    Energy manuscript
    Relationship manuscript
    Influencing with Integrity in the Financial Marketplace? 

A venerable tradition in publishing is to have "readers" so that their opinions of the material can be accessed before publication.  Sometimes both author and editor are too close to the writing.  Would you like to receive a preview manuscript with the commitment that you will report back to Genie any comments, questions or suggestions?  If interested, call Steve at 1-800-228-4069.  We’ll also send you a free copy of the book on publication.

July 17-19

Influencing with Integrity seminar

To Be Held at IDEA offices in Palo Alto

A few partial scholarships are available.  Send an email to
to apply.
IWI By Numbers

Pocket-sized giveaway book available.

Send us your address and we'll send
you this quick study for Communication

I’ve worked with executives at all levels for over 24 years, and one thing has always been consistent about the issues they have shared with me: A disconnect between the maps of reality for individuals, teams and organizations leads to problems at all levels. Indeed, understanding the map of reality for others is essential in building rapport, building and maintaining relationships, win-win negotiations and, of course, influencing others with integrity.
     But when one is in a blocked negotiation, how does one strike that balance between first understanding and then meeting your own needs, and then drawing out and meeting the needs of others? Indeed understanding the perspectives of others and changing your own reality is key.  The Change Reality Mnemonic can establish that win-win negotiation.

Chunk Up/Chunk Down – Move from the specific item in contention to the general and/or move from the general to a different specific

Hierarchy of Values Criteria – Our underlying belief system and values which influence out day-to-day behaviors

Another Outcome – A desired outcome which may not be the most advocated, but may be the most important overall

Negative Consequences – Pointing out negative implications of another proposed outcome

Generate a Metaphor – Personal experiences or make believe tales told to illustrate a particular viewpoint

Enter a Counter Example – Propose a counter-example to an example supporting the opposing position

Redefine the Outcome – Describe the opposing outcome in many ways to better understand opposing outcome and find synergies between outcomes

Effect, Cause and Effect – Separate cause from effect and question the logic the opponent is using to connect the cause and effect

Apply to Self – Step into someone else’s shoes

Life Equivalents – Finding other things in life that offer equal satisfaction with the key issue of the current negotiation

Intent – Possibly the most important unknown in negotiating, intent usually addresses the need for identity, connectedness or impact.

Time – Can provide external pressure on achieving closure on a negotiation, or can affect long-term outcome

Your Map of Reality – The filter through which we experience our lives, it impacts the choices we make in response to our environment.

May you influence others and with integrity,

Genie Z. Laborde

President and CEO IDEA

Advanced Training Talent on Two Fronts: Salesmanship and Vocal

    As the final evening of the Advanced Training approached, I asked Bruce Dillman if he’d brought his guitar to play his NLP songs.
    He said "No."
    Bruce has his original songs from the NLP Summer Camp in 1981 and later too that he often sings in our trainings.
    "I wonder where we could get a guitar?" I mused.  "Here we are ten miles from Watsonville without a store anywhere in between – just vacation houses on the beach and one fire station."
    Tara Martin-Milius said, "I think I saw a kid with one at a house near the meal house."  Most of the houses were empty, so this was a coincidence. 
    Jon Hill replied, "Do you remember which house? Describe it."
    Her description was too vague to use so she walked back with Jon to show him the house.
    I thought, "There’s no way these total strangers will let Jon borrow a guitar."
    After Tara confirmed the correct house Jon rang the door-bell.  A mature gentleman answered the door with a half irritated, half questioning look.  Jon said, "I know I look like a door to door salesman, but I’m not."  Jon explained that he was a participant in an Influencing with Integrity seminar being held two doors down the beach and we’d like to borrow a guitar for the evening. 
    The owner invited Jon in, took him upstairs and introduced Jon to the three generations of his family in the living room. 
    After the introductions were over, he sent a child to fetch the guitar. 

    Before giving it to Jon, the owner explained the guitar had been
in the family for 35 years so he wanted Jon to promise to take good care of it.  Jon offered to leave his expensive watch as collateral, but the homeowner said that was not necessary. 
    Five minutes later Jon arrives at House 23 with the guitar.  Bruce played all the NLP songs (to much laughter and applause) and a few of his cowboy songs including "Choo-Choo" (an original from his granddaughter).  
    The sun went down as the last chord was struck.
    When we expressed astonishment at his obtaining a guitar (roughly equivalent to a rabbit out of a hat) Jon replied, "Not a problem for a salesman."                                Bruce Dillman & borrowed guitar
    My retort, "Not a problem for a salesman extraordinaire."

Tsunami Patterns

     A Tsunami alert halfway through the ocean-side Advanced Training supplied one of the several surprises during the five days.  Wylie Harter received a phone call from a frantic family member saying the alert would begin in 15 minutes.  Wylie took the call on the deck overlooking the Pacific Ocean gently undulating about 30 feet away across flat ground.  We turned on the TV and it was true.  Tsunami alert from Canada to Mexico along the Pacific Coast.  By this time we had nine minutes before the alert commenced.
     The 14 people responded in their usual patterns, of course.  Those who believed the weather bureau and the coast guard to be competent, efficient and caring began gathering more information.  Those who immediately recalled the recent photos of the tsunami destruction in Asia and how far away the high ground is from Pajaro Dunes, got into their cars and headed out.  One participant called the fire station at Pajaro Dunes.  The firemen knew nothing about the alert and were not concerned.
     Others milled around, gathering more information from the television, phone calls and conversations.  After an hour the tsunami alert was removed.  Wylie Harter stayed up most of the night with his camera trained on the horizon.  Just in case.  A tsunami doesn’t happen every day. 

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