worked with executives at all levels for over 24 years, and one thing
always been consistent about the issues they have shared with me: A
between the maps of reality for individuals, teams and organizations
problems at all levels. Indeed, understanding the map of reality for
essential in building rapport, building and maintaining relationships,
negotiations and, of course, influencing others with integrity.
one is in a blocked negotiation, how does one strike that balance
understanding and then meeting your own needs, and then drawing out and
the needs of others? Indeed understanding the perspectives of others
changing your own reality is key. The Change
Reality Mnemonic can
establish that win-win negotiation.
Up/Chunk Down – Move from the specific item in contention to the
move from the general to a different specific
of Values Criteria – Our underlying belief system and values which
out day-to-day behaviors
Outcome – A desired outcome which may not be the most advocated, but
may be the
most important overall
Consequences – Pointing out negative implications of another proposed
a Metaphor – Personal experiences or make believe tales told to
Counter Example – Propose a counter-example to an example supporting
the Outcome – Describe the opposing outcome in many ways to better
opposing outcome and find synergies between outcomes
Cause and Effect – Separate cause from effect and question the logic
opponent is using to connect the cause and effect
Self – Step into someone else’s shoes
Equivalents – Finding other things in life that offer equal
the key issue of the current negotiation
Possibly the most important unknown in negotiating, intent usually
the need for identity, connectedness or impact.
Can provide external pressure on achieving closure on a negotiation, or
affect long-term outcome
of Reality – The filter through which we experience our lives, it
choices we make in response to our environment.
influence others and with integrity,
and CEO IDEA
Advanced Training Talent
on Two Fronts: Salesmanship and Vocal
the final evening of
the Advanced Training approached, I asked Bruce Dillman if he’d brought
guitar to play his NLP songs.
He said "No."
Bruce has his original
songs from the NLP Summer Camp in 1981 and later too that he often
"I wonder where we could
get a guitar?" I mused. "Here we are
ten miles from Watsonville without a store anywhere in between – just
houses on the beach and one fire station."
Tara Martin-Milius said,
"I think I saw a kid with one at a house near the meal house." Most of the houses were empty, so this was a
Jon Hill replied, "Do you
remember which house? Describe it."
Her description was too
vague to use so she walked back with Jon to show him the house.
I thought, "There’s no
way these total strangers will let Jon borrow a guitar."
After Tara confirmed the
correct house Jon rang the door-bell. A
mature gentleman answered the door with a half irritated, half
look. Jon said, "I know I look like a
door to door salesman, but I’m not." Jon
explained that he was a participant in an Influencing
Integrity seminar being held two doors down the beach and we’d like
borrow a guitar for the evening.
The owner invited Jon in,
took him upstairs and introduced Jon to the three generations of his
After the introductions were over, he sent a child
to fetch the guitar.
Before giving it to Jon,
the owner explained the guitar had been in the family for 35
Jon to promise to take good care of it. Jon
offered to leave his expensive watch as collateral,
homeowner said that was not necessary.
Five minutes later Jon
arrives at House 23 with the guitar. Bruce
played all the NLP songs (to much laughter and
applause) and a few
of his cowboy songs including "Choo-Choo" (an original from
The sun went down as the
last chord was struck.
When we expressed
astonishment at his obtaining a guitar (roughly equivalent to a rabbit
out of a
hat) Jon replied, "Not a problem for a
Bruce Dillman &
"Not a problem
for a salesman extraordinaire."
alert halfway through the ocean-side Advanced Training supplied one of
several surprises during the five days. Wylie
Harter received a phone call from a frantic family
the alert would begin in 15 minutes. Wylie
took the call on the deck overlooking the Pacific
undulating about 30 feet away across flat ground. We
turned on the TV and it was true. Tsunami
alert from Canada to Mexico along the Pacific Coast.
By this time we had nine
minutes before the
people responded in their usual patterns, of course.
Those who believed the weather bureau and the coast guard
competent, efficient and caring began gathering more information. Those who immediately recalled the recent
photos of the tsunami destruction in Asia and how far away the high
ground is from Pajaro Dunes, got into
cars and headed out. One participant
called the fire station at Pajaro Dunes. The
firemen knew nothing about the alert and were not
milled around, gathering more information from the television, phone
conversations. After an hour the
tsunami alert was removed. Wylie Harter
stayed up most of the night with his camera trained on the horizon. Just in case. A
tsunami doesn’t happen every day.